the importance of your birthday

Birthdays are important because it was the day that changed your parents lives.

It was also the day you decided to come out of your mother and take way her pain

birthdays don't make you older, makes you wiser


it's one day of the year you don't forget no metter how and you usualy remember how the weather was.

Birthdays are good.

Happy birthday Duncan Jones

Me and my army

Me and my army fight for happiness

we have special outfits

some of us are angels

altogether we form a strong wall

no tornados put us down

we are the angels' army

aaaaaaaaaaaah (sarcastic laugh)

where´s my home?

i was born in lisbon, the capital of Portugal on the 23rd day of december in the year os 1983.
i lived here until i was 22 and moved to london some time ago.

i grew up listenning to english music and watching english movies and tv

now i come to portugal every couple of months and i think and think and think if there´s something i can relate to this country...
i have found my love for trees in london. i came to lisbon hoping to see these trees in a different way and i cannot see them as beautiful...there aren´t appealing, they are sad and grumpy... should i?... i was born here, should i love them more?
i am looking, sometimes desperatly, for these roots. i search them here at home and i cannot find them


but i thought at least coming home the tinniest roots were here. the nest where i keept my memories would stay intact... but it´s fading away because there are more important things to think right now. the strenght isn´t the same from when i was a teenager.i shall keep those thoughts, my memories, all in my head.
home was where i keept the pretious things, it would be a very strong rock. nothing would take my things away. was a safe box, whatever you want to call it.

right now, my things are in many places. i wonder if my mind is in different places aswell. there´s no safe rock anymore...
moving houses is difficult there´s always so many things we loose. my point is, if i loose these things i loose control...i haven´t got any control any more...

is there any safe box? does one exist for each one of us? is there a point looking for our own box? what´s the point in having a nest?

one thng for sure, the mind is powerfull and i cannot forget my past to built a better future...

The songs we sing

There isn't anything i love most in my life than my records. Music floats. I listen to the same songs over and over again. I don't think of genres, i don't even know what "sort of music" i like, i just like music.

My biggest frustration is not knowing if i carry any music within me to be able to make any. Sure by listening to it so much i must have something in me...

Dancing to the music is also so instant that it's almost uncontrollable.

Is this a disease? i know if i work hard i can do it but i see so many people, younger than me with so much talent... i keep forgetting i have ever had any talent in me.

I need to get it somewhere. from someone...probably me...

I love this song from charlotte gainsboug. i can listen to it over and over again. the lyrics are so powerful to me it makes me cry.

"And the song that we sing, do they mean anything to the people we're singing them to, people like you"

Going on

Lost

I 'm lost. Completly lost. Haven't got a clue what to do of my life. what's my future, where to go, what to do, what to follow.

Never in my life i had such crisis. i'm 25, i feel very young but i haven't got a clue what's my next step workwise going to be.

Very annoying.

So, i'm playing this song in repeat to get some inertia to do something of my life.


.