where´s my home?

i was born in lisbon, the capital of Portugal on the 23rd day of december in the year os 1983.
i lived here until i was 22 and moved to london some time ago.

i grew up listenning to english music and watching english movies and tv

now i come to portugal every couple of months and i think and think and think if there´s something i can relate to this country...
i have found my love for trees in london. i came to lisbon hoping to see these trees in a different way and i cannot see them as beautiful...there aren´t appealing, they are sad and grumpy... should i?... i was born here, should i love them more?
i am looking, sometimes desperatly, for these roots. i search them here at home and i cannot find them


but i thought at least coming home the tinniest roots were here. the nest where i keept my memories would stay intact... but it´s fading away because there are more important things to think right now. the strenght isn´t the same from when i was a teenager.i shall keep those thoughts, my memories, all in my head.
home was where i keept the pretious things, it would be a very strong rock. nothing would take my things away. was a safe box, whatever you want to call it.

right now, my things are in many places. i wonder if my mind is in different places aswell. there´s no safe rock anymore...
moving houses is difficult there´s always so many things we loose. my point is, if i loose these things i loose control...i haven´t got any control any more...

is there any safe box? does one exist for each one of us? is there a point looking for our own box? what´s the point in having a nest?

one thng for sure, the mind is powerfull and i cannot forget my past to built a better future...